watching myself

the self conscious grows and matures with time. I am not walkng a new walk, playing a new role for someone approaching 50- I sometimes find myself editing and watching: before I do some task, while I am doing it....taking off boots- how will you do it? Will you sit? Will you stand and use the sink to balance? Will you use the toes of one boot against the heel of the other and then what will you do with your socked foot to avoid the water on the floor? A constant looking in as if I am watching a character in the making.
I especially appriciate the editor in speech. A thought. Do I say it out loud? Is it necessary? Will it hurt someone's feelings?
I recall last week a line of candy canes along someone's sidewalk. This delighted me. I felt like I was in a wonderland with snow as backdrop and these candycanes inviting me to the building at the end. A gingerbread house. Hansel and Gretel. Daniel had his head down in a comic book. He missed the whole thing. Do I say, "Look at the candy canes?" Do I impose my own delight?
I decided not to.

This refrain is a relatively new thing - maybe developing over the last decade but relatively new and of course it does not kick in all the time.
I do love stories and see them in the making all the time. Sometimes people get impatient with me when I turn what I have to say into a story. They only want one word and I have thirty seven.