watching myself

the self conscious grows and matures with time. I am not walkng a new walk, playing a new role for someone approaching 50- I sometimes find myself editing and watching: before I do some task, while I am doing it....taking off boots- how will you do it? Will you sit? Will you stand and use the sink to balance? Will you use the toes of one boot against the heel of the other and then what will you do with your socked foot to avoid the water on the floor? A constant looking in as if I am watching a character in the making.
I especially appriciate the editor in speech. A thought. Do I say it out loud? Is it necessary? Will it hurt someone's feelings?
I recall last week a line of candy canes along someone's sidewalk. This delighted me. I felt like I was in a wonderland with snow as backdrop and these candycanes inviting me to the building at the end. A gingerbread house. Hansel and Gretel. Daniel had his head down in a comic book. He missed the whole thing. Do I say, "Look at the candy canes?" Do I impose my own delight?
I decided not to.

This refrain is a relatively new thing - maybe developing over the last decade but relatively new and of course it does not kick in all the time.
I do love stories and see them in the making all the time. Sometimes people get impatient with me when I turn what I have to say into a story. They only want one word and I have thirty seven.

film review

I just watched a stunning 10 minute film called Silence by Filmakers Library- better than anything I have seen in 10 minutes gives us that quote seen over and over again, that famed theme: more horrendous than the cacophony and fury of the evil is the silence of the good.


film by Orly Yadin and Sylvie Bringas Halo Productions

Tinkerbell

The year Hannah was born- 1986, the boys had already decided what they were to be for Halloween. Somehow the story of Peter Pan was the hit! I made a flannel gown for Nate in blue and white stripe and found a top hat. Nate transformed into John the Leader which he could say at 3 and 1/2 as "yeader." (I bet if you ask him to repeat this cuteness- he would oblige.)
And Gabe- forever the star- was Peterpan. Green flannel wrap over green tights and a turtleneck and a triangle type hat with feather adorned him. Here's what they figured out. If we had a boy- it would be Michael and the costume- of course those blue PJ's with the flap at the buttox. And if it were a girl- we'd have a Tinkerbell.
Hannah was due on September 23 and her birth, like the two before was a planned homebirth.
I had the support of two wonderful women friends- Janine Hueber and Kay Castle- Brinker. It was Kay's job to entertain the boys and help them feel comfortable. Hannah was one of those rare clockwork babies which I'll write about another time. I went into labor sometime in the early morning hours of September 23 and she was born at home on the same couch Nate was at 9:10 on the fall equinox. Nate and Gabe were playing cards at the kitchen table with Kay and as Hannah entered the world (in installments as she was 8 pounds 2 ounces- she spent a moment hugged at the shoulders). Now the famous quote:
our young Nathaniel piped in with, "Now we have a little Tink."
And it was so- that year- just weeks later, Hannah was dressed as Tinkerbell complete with wings.

Now fast forward to Penny's December 2006- I find a pair of Tinkerbelll ear rings in the children's jewelry carousel. I did not heasitate to wrap these to give at Hanukkah.

new year

New Year Tradition

consider paying attention to a needy space in your home

I am drawn to those times of the calendar year when I am called to purge
it happens to me in cyles- usually in August when the school ads start up
usally at Rosh Hashanah and Passover
and now too- the first of the month
I love to let go of things that no longer hold value

I have decided to get especially serious about my purging by conducting an inventory of all that we won by room
if it's worth keeping- I write it down.
Did the first room on Sunday- the room that Petra chose- the guest room

yellow rain hat- next day

1-15-07 found the beloved yellow rain hat- it was in a basket
not left behind at temple sholom or taken to someone else's drawer

confession: sometimes when I loose things, my first thought is taht someone took the missing something

I am a pro at losing things
Recently I couldn't find a present I bought for Eva for her birthday (since found in basement)
and I couldn't find the last Lemony Snickett tape for Hanukkah- hidden so welll in my house (since found)
and then there was GAbe and Kate's house warming present that I bought in Sanibel in March (since found)
and then there was my conversion picture that I wanted to get framed by DAniel's Bar Mitxvah and then, most recently I could not find my collection of Martin Luther King books.
Typically my problem is not that I may have thrown out the present non used item but rather the more typical scene is that its either under my paper piles or under my paper piles.

d

spongey

Cincinnati has had the most incredible constant, light rain
Fertility-there is a birth of ideas
warm and moist, the conditions are right
Mist and warm
conditions are right for......

anything's possible

yellow rain hat

1-14-07 I recently bought a new pair of brown dress shoes. My thought: I will never again have to buy a pair of brown dress shoes. I am happy with this pair and there is no reason I will need to shop further for brown dress shoes. I own a pair of black dress shoes that I have owned for years. There is no reason I will need another pair. (I'm assuming my foot size will not change and I am assuming my tastes will remain constant)
Years ago I bought a solid color yellow rain hat at Totes in Loveland. (The Totes building is no longer there.) I wore it yesterday and had that same light feeling that I love my yellow rain hat and that I will have it all my days. I couldn't imagine any reason why I would need a another.

I was at an outing and put my rain-hat on the top shelf of a coat rack. When I was ready to leave it was gone. I guess it was my lesson that I was a little too smug about this idea that I was done shopping with myself.

Opening

sung and written by Besty Lippitt
written for solstice Dec. 2006 (I heard it my first time at Spring Grove Cemetery on January 6 with many around Cheryl's grave- our honor to be there and give tribute to our friend who died that same day one year ago- fellow havurahnik)

Opening to what was
To* what is
To what will be
To what is to be
Letting go
What is to be

(then again...Opening)

start of the round

vowels and consonants

1/9 love this from Langsford Center:

May your vowels be airy and light
And may all your consonants be right.

First Post

This blog is where Debbie will be posting notes about what's going on in her life and in her head.